XN
 | sigh...looks like she despise me eh... hate me being emo...hate my tone..hate me when i ask qns, will make her vexed..lol..almost fully make up the real me le.. if remain like last time shld stop talking...sounds the same to me losing her..but weird thing is im willing to follow that..how dumb am i..during her oversea trip, i hav time to prepare a totally new personality specially for her! very difficult wor...quite a big challenge to me. cannot talk much, don bother to ask qns de...tone must be ok...and emotionless :O.... hmm talk and qns and emotionless take from jolene :P good idea~ tone neh..i think talk in short short pharse will sounds nothing inside XD cool~ also cannot don talk wor..later she think i acting cool..she hate cool guys so must take note and balance this out.. got this personality...i doubt we will fight again ba...hurts me each time we fight have many wonders about her...but can't ask qns anymore..sigh.. comfort machine...how come she will tot of that?...maybe shes trying to tell me to give more concern about her problem and not jus my problem? quite possible...or maybe shes trying to say everytime she hav to rang wo i never rang her...quite possible also... y she think i don understand her stress ne...or i really don understand? all possibilities i can think of is like...its been very hard on her if she decide to change...not only that, she intend to change quite a lot...of coz its very stressful for her..theres fear during changing..whenever u do something u afraid that u will repeating the same thing again..i experienced b4..having that fear even up til now. or maybe im the 1 who causes her stress? my problem ? my thinkings? if its true...im so guilty that i don know wat to do... weird...she stress on keeping quiet about her true form..wat is she trying to say? maybe its becoz of yan ni..but i never told yan ni anything ...this looks like shes losing trust on me...wat hav i done... y can't i think as deep as i am when im in emo state? y am i so useless? causing nth but trouble to her! i tried to do something for her but it fail. wat a failure XD.... she changed mainly coz of me? which part? did i really convinced her? she said she shld change after talkign to me..wat does that really means? is she trying to adapt to my form of communication...gosh she really did too much for me...and i did nothing for her..wat kind of person am i? im useless...its really time to change..i must nglect all my emo and problems whenever she has problems provided she will let me know in the future...i hope she will give me a chance.. negative thinker....somehow true...whenever i study personality i focus more on the negative human nature..since ppl tends to hide them, its their ture form. so that can produce more accurate result ma...even if is for myself...i really seldom think negatively..i only like to show ppl that im thinking negatively coz like that i won't be sterotype that im action type..whenever theres hope..i always think towards the hope..each of my thinking hav its own reason..can't really say in a negative thinker right? maybe im really a negative thinker jus that i don't know...but i see everything in evidence de ma... seeing all this really makes me realise the gap between the thinking in normal state and the thinking when im upset or angry...its like halved! woah...i really can't let me emotion take over me..i wonder if i can change this..another great challenge beside creating a totally new personality |
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