XN
 | keke was expecting her post since she online and weee~ bingo XD i feel like crying and laughing at the same time i guess i failed again she still can't understand everything i've said she misunderstood quite a lot 'not exactly cold-hearted' i've never said shes cold-hearted i wonder wat is 'real me' to her ppl grow, as they grow, they will change where is the real them? a person who always cries during a baby does not means she/he will still always cry at the age of 12? there are times ppl don even know they change so wats 'can't change'? and wats 'real me'? hahahahah~ 'don know that shes not happy if she change?' guess she really doesn't understand me does she? she said b4... she hate to change i rmb but i tried to convince her so she won't feel it that way i failed, nvm try again lo keep trying keep trying to make her understand me end up having countless of fights which is the most regretful thing i ever did changed to having many posts which is this to make her understand, to show her im not don understand her is she don understand how much i understand her and how much i think doesn't she knows that i doesn't like ppl to be unhappy? can't tot of y im doing this? how much stress i had since i discovered her mindsets? is that qns telling me that 'im ignorant to her feelings?' i say she might angry is jus say for the sake of not offending her for watever wrong stuff i've said i might not know wat things i could have said wrong de ma isn't this considerate? and im ignorant to her feelings? next most concern about me is the vex thing ok i will understand if she said it in the post to hint me not to fan her now but wat if is a no? that sentence that deduce...no, predict me..... no, jump to conclusion about me hurts me i've did so much alr....there aren't even 10qns asked for like 3-4weeks! i will always rmb wat she said i've said i think so many things when she went genting keep saying me don understand her that troubles me a lot then ok fine i ask those qns that only requires single word ans? thats making her vex too? the msg that said her vex and told me stop asking qns is still in my phone...saved in draft i will never forget that whenever i have an impt sms that is said about her i saved it...during holiday, to understand her, i even dug up the history of all her post in her blog copy and paste it to a doc to read it all over again then i reanalsye it and of coz also her sms that were saved in my hp so how can she say that? 2mindset combo together to form a impregnable defense well i suppose i managed to make a small crack on it? haha thats pathetic after so much i had done wat shld i do now? wait for her 'ans'? or i jus advise her not to change anymore then let time and reality shatter the defense in pieces? that would be the most sudden and unbrearable pain she can never understand wat im saying |
family
| wanted to post ytd but while updating... encounter some problems that made me did something i've never done b4... i went to bath and burst into tears.... cried to the extent that i squat there leaning my head to my arm and keep crying enjoying the water pour on me like rain~ i always wanted to cry in rain was inside for 20mins lol normally i bath 5mins looks like i spent 15mins crying huh now i understand how it feels when a person cry coz of stress and/or emotional jus can't take it the way they see me as still treat me like pri sch kid? thinking im SUCH A SIMPLE PERSON? FUCK YOU ALL KNOW MERELY 10% OF ME AS A FAMILY! i never blame any1 for not understand me but don talk like u all understand i never tell u all any of my problems coz i've lost my trust in all of u during pri sch 'u are fustrated coz ur playing com' 'u are that kind of person who don say sry 1' 'u always talk rudely' WTF ARE ALL THESE? there won't be any problem if they jus don bother about me i doesn't need them to show their love or care jus leave me alone and i leave them alone no more fights its alr 1burden off from me if im this independant i know they are keep getting hurt coz of my sis so jus concentrate on her! she would say 'u all never care about me' i won't.... b4 i enter e1, sis kept discouraging my from doing so nvm i understand that from her opinion when i entered, 'y never tell me u enter e1' wow? expect me to tell her that when she keep discouraging me from it? i get good result trying to enter e1 all these are for my sake that time and wat? jus 1 thing i did for myself im being blamed for parents bias to me, don give money to for her studies frens saying me traitor i understand BUT EVEN THEY HAV TO AGAINST ME? WHY IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME? IM JUS FUCKING TRYING TO PULL MYSELF UP IS THAT WRONG? I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH COUNTLESS PROBLEMS SINCE SEC3 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO HELP EVERY1 I CAN! WAT DID I GET? ONLY 1 GOOD STUFF: ENTERED E1 WTF ARE THESE? THE MOST UNFAIR I THINK IS I CAN'T EVEN HAV A PERSON WHO WILL PUT IN EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND ME LIKE IN THE PAST WE MET? EVER SINCE SHE NO LONGER LOVE ANY1, WE KEPT HAVING FIGHT SHE CHANGED! NOT EVEN HERSELF KNOWING IT! fuck this world.. |
din
| woah totally shocked! i never expect hes so smart to this extent! in a short period of time and he understand exactly to wat extent my thinkings can be? totally unexpected.... i can't read wat type of thinking he has now i hav to admit that i tot i knew ... 'ur a dangerous person' holy cow~ jackpot! i deduce myself that i can be a very dangerous person last time i asked around if im a dangerous person after expressing wat type of thinking i have no1 think i can be dangerous lol~ and he got it in this short period of time? he told me he know wat nai tien have those type of characteristic in 3weeks its past 2weeks and i still get nothing~ ai seh our gap is this big?? hohohoho a challenge.... |
XN
| man~ this is wat i get when she didn't read from the 1st post =.= 1st comment obviously it fails 2nd comment is huh?? now wat? -_-!!! zzzzz jus in case...she is still on 1st comment analyse first ba... most shoot me de is ignorant of how ppl feels wa i don know wat to say 1st time totally speechless lol~ wa i think i next time analyse better i'll think about it first really speechless saying me ignorant of how ppl feels now im so confused... 'i won't run away' how serious is that? does that mean she will change? 'how can it be' huh? 'never tot of it' huh? this sounds she realised something but wat? i don wanna ask... i don wanna be that fcker who destroy everything again in june i'll jus wait and think everything about it |
XN
| sigh...left 6weeks of time can i make it? when can she understand the consequences? when can she be serious about it? her studies will keep dropping unless her mindset is change she isn't aware of the happenings around her or wat would happen around her taking everything easily will end up harming herself yet she doesn't realise jus don understand how can life jus be having fun? isn't that totally meaningless if there isn't any obstacle in life? livinig in a world of herself is a meaninigful thing in life? ok not herself, got france but it will not go on forever many frens have had cared for her like bear and long but wat happen in the end? they started getting fed up being treated as an acquaintance while they treated her as fren thinking shes 1 of their close fren but still...can't blame her becoz of her mindset shes like that she isn't aware of this type of things of coz i also get fed up but i hav to control it coz it takes time.. but its really a tough that my brain and my heart hav to fight for a long time today i jus tot of something that it might be true tho chances are not high if is becoz of her mindset causing her to run away from problems by not thinking about it stress jus disappears out of the sudden well actually it goes to some1 else and u never know who izzit nth can jus disappear like that if she has the habit of making her brain not to think of it then it might make her more stupid -_-! coz when ignore things around, brain jus stop thinking means stop working this could link to studies that the memory will drop coz of not alert of wat teacher is talking about or processing wat teachers have jus taught this might explain y simple things she can forget so easily doesn't make sense unless she doesn't wan to rmb it plus even if she forget it she will stay as cheerful as always unaware of the snowball piling up as it roll down once exam comes shes dead~ man the logner it drag the worse it gets 6weeks...don know if i did the right thing by giving this much time |
myself
| its so tiring....this is the longest time my heart is having a war wif my brain i hav to becareful not to let my heart proceed the plan instead of my brain but still...its so tiring and stressful the sufferings im having now is making me losing appetite the endurance seeing all the things i predicted coming true i can't jus take it when my frens are also involved... is getting more hurtful and more hurtful for me each day passes. i wanted to write a querral script de jus in case my heart take over me i can say things that is alr been tot b4 in my mind but after playing...i forgot all the lines liao... sucks... oh well i'll jus hav to find one chance go bus stop and think again XD |
XN
| sigh..i failed to proceed..well i think its not the time yet just as i expected...she can't climb up herself.. her mindset is getting worse! zzz i have to make it b4 CA2.. or else there isn't enough time to turn the tide donno how i feel huh... don know how to ask ar always makes me deduce wrongly coz of this but i can't be wrong this time she might hav this thinking 'if he wanna tell me he will' well tho not confirmed at least this thinking suits her XD jus refreshed my mind after reading her post again and her past smses that i've saved i'll jus hav to be very patience this time... if only she know the meaning of life or else she can never be successful taking things for granted around her even those i know is also getting pek cek including me but i'll jus choose to ignore it if i can't, then i don understand her at all XD |
XN
| wat shld i do.... continue waiting or..another plan? whenever i see her ran away from problems.. it hurts me... making me worried ytd read a sentence... many young people mistaken as the most impt thing in lifei s to have fun that causes serious trouble... im so glad that im not wrong... i can't bear to see her getting into trouble... why..why can't she understand the problems? how long will this take? my stress from e1 and ppl saying me traitor and teachers spoiling my reputation etc etc is ok... i still can handle it but im going burst if i add the stress in changing her mindset life is not about jus having fun if it is...wats the point of living? no responsiblities ignoring obstacles in life.... THEN LIVE FOR WAT? its MEANINGLESS! wat will happen? if she becomes an adult? wif the stubborness in her in not changing damm...how can i make her understand i was thinking...if is to sacrifice this friendship to change her mindset i don mind even if im dying.... my last wish b4 my death is that she will change wat jus causes her to change in the first place? and i fcking blow it up... tham hin u fcker... once again..my confident is dropping each day passes i know shes also bz wif her hw but i don know how long can i cling to the info that im impt to her how serious is her when she said that? heres another qns..HOW SERIOUS? even im impt to her if is not impt to the extent that shes willing to really try to understand y i act like this then this plan is..DEAD! ZZZZZZZZZ fcking emo fcking brain fcking helpless solution fcking hw fcking mindset |
XN
| ok...tmr sch start le shall start my new plan that i jus tot after receiving some opinions, i decided...to change from a trigger way to a SUPER SOFT way of coz i can't reveal myself will remain unchange this new personality of a super soft way is that will be SUPER CHEERFUL! WOOOOOO and will always say those that ITS NOTHING~ i will do this to quite extreme untill she realise im acting weird XD well again...this plan works if im really impt to her so i will believe in her found out another thing today, she feels guilty at those obvisouly a normal person will feel guilty de but this feeling of guilty clash wif her running away from problems so sometimes feel guilty sometimes not a single bit =.= hao ba the plan is set le JIA YOU IN CHANGING HER MINDSET THAM HIN!!! RAWR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now like don hav that type of feeling to her le looks like i didn't fallen in love in the first place XD YAY! but...don know y i still willing to do/sacrifice anything for her own good -_-.... |
XN
| suddenly jus tot of this qns 'y shld i change? i benefit nothing' or..'why do u wan me to change' lets practise a bit... I WAN U TO UNDERSTAND WATS THE PURPOSE OF LIVING! LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT BENEFIT! EVEN U LIVE JUS BECOZ UR SCARE OF DEATH THAT DOESN'T MEAN U HAVE TO LIVE IN UR OWN WORLD! U HAVE FRENS! PEOPLE WHO CARES ABOUT U, PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU! LIVE WAT U HAVE NOW AND FACE IT! AND NOT NGLECTING UR SURROUNDINGS! ASK YOURSELF, HAVE U EVER SPARE A TOT FOR U FRENS? HOW THEY FEEL AND WHY DO THAT REACT THIS WAY? EVEN U DID, DID U DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT? EVEN IF IS YES, DID U PUT UR HEART AND SOUL INTO IT? NO! U JUS SIMPLY IGNORE BECOZ ITS WOULD STRESS U UP LIFE SHLD BE HAPPY SO IF I IGNORE IT I WOULD BE STRESSLESS THEN I WILL FEEL HAPPY! WOO! FOR GOD SAKE STOP TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED! UR BEING IRRESPONSIBLE! DUMPING ALL PROBLEMS AWAY U HURTING UR FRENS BY DOING SO! WHEN FRENS BEGIN TO HATE U, ACCUSING U FOR BLAH BLAH THEN U GOES I DO CARES! U ALL JUS DIDN'T BELIEVE ME LET ME TELL U, WATEVER I SAID ARE NOTHING BUT TRUTH I TRIED SOLVING BUT ITS USELESS! WA CLAP CLAP LIKE THIS WILL MAKE THEM SOUNDS LIKE THEY ARE IN WRONG THEY DON UNDERSTAND U AND LIKE THE HELL U DOES TOO! U THINK U UNDERSTAND THEM! U DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WAT THEY WANT! THINK AGAIN! DO U EVEN TREAT UR FRENS AS UR FRENS? IF YES, DID U DO ANYTHING FOR THEM? WHEN U HAV FRENS, CHERISH THEM! NOT EXPECTING THEM TO 'RANG NI' ALL THE TIMES! I NEVER CALL PPL TO RANG WO I CAN JUS BE ALONE I DON NEED THEIR SYMPATHY! ah...cannot focus anymore shall continue and edit the arguement next post edited at 24th june: not gonna continue this plan le but will keep as reference XD |
XN
| haha...last min say not going poc... coz wan save money... at first say if is coz of her it destroy the fun, she will feel guilty haha...when she know coz of her we never go poc that time she no reaction ok her case must go against human nature so....i'll think towards another way she hide her emotion in fact she feels guilty ok even if is this is true then y would she skip this poc again? she don mind feeling guilty if she gets to save money? ok maybe she won't coz she might think that we will still go if this is true...SHES GOD DAM WRONG LOL yea...this possibility quite high coz she don understand this 'no need together can go watch wat' 'sacrificing' herself makes her feels good eh my 1st conclusion now is that she don even know frens are for wat lol i'll make her understand..when she know that we didn't go coz of her even our last resort also cannot make it coz she wan save money, buy dvd watch also cannot le chee leong's bday is gonna be another boring day like jolene's if above are not true then i can only think of shes selfish, she heck care us she heck care everyone except francesca francesca is her only fren in her world but i tot this heck care deduction was right and used this deduction to try making her change but from the reaction given..i don think its correct its not lies...its not heck care is this fcking mindset 'no1 can change me i don wanna change i jus do things myself and make sure i won't drag any1 down so i won't be blamed for anything bad happen' so she came out wif we go, she stay don stay jus coz she stay another deduction which is also quite possible SHE CAN'T DETERMINE WHICH IS MORE IMPT TO BE DONE FIRST! she won't do impt things first she jus do things according to her own way she won't give herself stress so she won't get controlled resulting it doing watever she wan according to her MOOD AND FEELINGS! that would explain quite a lot of things, and this will be the deeper deduction than my heck care deduction. this result in giving me an idea that shes selfish shes not...IS ABOUT HER MINDSET! many bad things that i predicted is starting to become reality... her results...I REALLY WANNA HELP BUT SHE WOULDN'T WANNA HELP HERSELF! I REALLY HOPE I CAN THINK OF A PLAN THAT CAN MAKE HER WORK HARD SHE SAID OK WHEN I ASK HER CAN GO SAME JC? each time shes like that...it makes my heart pain.. the things she done coz of her mindset hurts me a lot... i really wan her to change and there aren't much time left if she fail to catch up this year next year how can she possibly catch up? at first i even worried that i can't catch up to her then we can't enter the same jc really...theres isn't much time left.. end of this CA2 my plan hasn't improve a single bit im going all out even at the cost of 1 of the most impt person existed in my life! |
stress
| wow...my 1st time being so stressed up let me try to recall wat im stressed about 1. xn's mindset 2. if i can go e1 3. the way every1 says about my english 4. how to teach my frens physics? 5. how to make them work hard? 6. science project 7. family matters 8. using my 360degree change personality 9. dental 10. health 11. my own deduction 12. hw 13. outings 14. my own emotional cool 14things~ below 14 is my limit heh... once i exceed limit my brain started aging to such an extent that i can forget to close gate and door and went out BOTH NOT CLOSE LEFT EVERYTHING OPEN! i keep forgetting to returns books to john blow my top off easily and unneccssary w/o thinking don feel like reading anymore, jus look at the view from the bus jus don feel to alight the bus and wanted to relax by looking at the views |
XN
| i think i found out something about her... she doesn't tell lies, everythign she said, she mean it its jus that she change her mind oftenly so wat ever she said b4 became like jiao wei lol =.= i wonder....whether if my plan will work im making a gamble... a gamble that saying im impt to her if im really impt to her..then she might cherish me, chances of this plan succeeding will be much much higher i choose to believe in her words i will believe everything she said coz she really mean all those but...how long will this plan takes? this is my 1st time giving up an expressway and try lifelonging way she can changes...i believe she changed w/o she herself knowing it i wan back the xn i know last year the caring, cheerful, totful, talkative girl that i know well i can understand now she hasn't notice yet but when sch reopen. she will... when that time comes..i'll jus hav to wait for her reaction.. if there isn't..i don think im can continue or even think of another plan hmmm...wait not change mind...maybe..she doesn't talk seriously! keke another possibility XD say le....go same jc.. but y doesn't she still wanna study? im also worried about her results! not only hers EVERYONES! can she be serious?... sigh its up to my plan again zzz |
XN
| today visit doctor... SO DAM PRO! see my face jiu can deduce so much stuff then he still can say wat biological clock i tot i create this scientific term wrong de sia after knowing its call internal clock wa...he say cannot eat junk food anymore...CHOCOLATE NOOOOOOOOOOOO no fried and oily stuff..... i know my body got problem de but didn't know its so jia lat dao.... sigh...i hope she can visit this doctor.. i bet she hav more health problem than me im very worried about her health and studies doc say a healthy body then can study well but she wouldn't care much about her health.. see her like this...makes me sad nowadays...she seems acting strangly VERY.... or izzit im jus over-worried? think too much? don know la..shes like no longer active anymore she sure knows how to make me worry lolx god dam it this fcking holiday stress me a lot everyday, im mentally,physically and emotionally tired |
XN
| finally...i understand y i keep think that im not impt to her le... coz..she don do the most impt thing first de... her mindset is like she jus do watever she wan won't put a certain thing in priority de... thats something i never expect at all =.= so got confused.. sigh..im really so helpless.. her mindset is not good man.. but she won't realise it and won't think its wrong at all she not doesn't care ppl...is she run away from them i've got it all wrong in the past but...knowing all the problems...i can't do anything! each plan fails i started another and its countless... i can't rmb how many times i tried to change her mindset somemore i jus realised today the more stress she ignored its like those stress are being pushed to my place when i heard she wanna change i was so dam relieved but when she say not anymore... everythign came back to me gosh..when can she understand it? and addition to i haf to change her mindset while im in the new personality she told herself not to think all this anymore...its troublesome so how the fck can i get her to change again? wat type of thinking can trigger her again? its alr like miracle when theres a something how the hella am i gonna get another miracle to happen?! its jus way too difficult... if i would to hav my last wish... i would wish that she could stop running away anymore... will really wish that i don know y it jus hurt me whenever she runs away its like 'why must u be like that' and i can do nothing in that type of situation.. im really a useless guy sometimes either im a capable person or im a totally junk! |
XN
| each and every day....my tots of if i had fallen in love wif her increases getting more worried wat would i do if i would to accept the fact that i had fallen in love wif her? i jus musn't....accept the fact sorrow will only be produced if i have fallen in love wif her at first i was thinking..if she will to notice my changes and asked about it then i will told her its for our good that i have to hide my real me if that 30% chances of her persuading me to reveal my trueself to her comes true then i would to to show her this blog but after typing all these...i don think this blog can ever be revealed to others but if one day..theres really no choice that i have to show this blog... that will be the day i will have the most fear and sorrow in me... her thinking on me, attitude everything will change then everything will ends there i would be prepared to lose her if i told her this blog.. |
XN
| hmm can cross out 1 probability le... the not showing her concern the part.. its so obvious not that lo once she sick, i jus check how bad izzit by asking how are u now or how ya feeling and she goes, wat do u think? wats that? once again, shows concern to her by reminding to take care of her health and she goes, my health my problem wats that again? come to think again, am i really not showing concern? that day, the moment i heard the news that she cried i rush to her place w/o hesitation ok true, i wasn't doing anything there i don know how to comfort her, im not better than francesca im useless.. but at least i was with her right beside her i've never hesitated to be there for her if anything happens to her she said she always go home alone. she said shes used to be lonely since then whenever i had excuse to company her home, i would i wan her to feel that life is not as bad as she think there are many ppl around her will provide happiness in her life and i wan her to realise im 1 of them is this sympathy? or is this care? i would say is care but if she would to read it i bet she would meant sympathy then will starting saying those hurtful words again, i don wan sympathy i don wan to be paid attention jus maybe...lol during night i worried about anything that could happen to her plus see the way she cross the road wa kao =.= nighttime drivers cannot see de leh i don wish anything bad things happen to her isn't this caring enough? lol so that probablity is OUT! |
Pen
| woah was so afraid that she might get fed up and say y i think her so negatively again like last time..that hurt me -_- well i can finally hav an ans that i always wan for my deduction today discovered many things she finally admit nobody knows her realself last time like wat real me? =.= now she sort of understand wat i meant well the best thing is i hav a new hope in deducing her le! the problem y my %tage in being right is so low has finally being discovered THANKS TO HER LOL! she merge both same and real but fake excuses together which means 1 excuse can be used as a fact in the same time also an excuse for other things she dosen't wanna reveal :) yep yep shld be correct this part so whenever i so called 'expose' her 'lies' or the real her i will be reflected back *NO* and had my deduction proved wrong always believe in my deduction de me will end up deduce that she love to deny but actually im there jus that i pick the wrong time or at the wrong thing so my deduction accuracy has cut down mroe than half in addition that all my probability are always low on her then tio halve jiu chua sai lo~ ok knowing this problem it would still be hard to tackle this at least i hav a solution.... grabbing the exact excuse she used on the exact thing while its on the exact time! must know this clearly b4 can deduce her and know when is the real her and when is not! ok! starting all my deduction all over again this time in another situation le hope can success |
SM
| zzz izzit my fault or wat or jus the way i talk irritates her? she keep diao diao diao i will sian de wat like keep getting negative comment for everything i said i will du lan de wat... she so easy angry...sick of it man everytime must hong ta im tried from all the problems i had recently alr maybe i hafta change the way i talk like shoot ppl very fast then will bu shuang i think i'll wait for more evidence b4 i conclude ba... |
XN
| sigh the expected was correct... shes back on that night...and she never inform me that shes back well...in fact im not even sure that she will tell me when shes like last time... something like 'hey son! im back!' maybe?.. or shes jus simply thinks that she don hav to coz she know that i know when she will be back? or..shes still mad at me? or she don feel like talking to me anymore?... or...shes tried? but 1whole day of sleeping shld be enough ba...can understand if is on night hmm..or she thinks 'why must/do she hav to tell me when she comes back? shes not my gf ' well thats true...=.=...its no surprise she won't understand that shld i be worrying or not? wait, isn't that somethign that cannot be decided? yea..dumb of me.. =.= will it really be like last time? i hope so but i doubt so sigh~ feels better again shld i sms her or wait she sms me? i don think i got that patient to wait so long later i siao worry for nth but if i sms how sia... its said last msg well...i jus said balance it out.. but wat shld i write? start wif wat ne... wa this simple thing also need to plan dao ilke this like asking for date sia in fact i ask for date more relax than this LMAO! shld i start wif qns or jus talk something neh..? if i suddenly talk something like weird leh... i think better start wif qns ba... ah yo~ wat to ask? which is simple and requires a yes or no? ahh~ 'had fun?' OK SET SIMPLE AND EASY TO ANS AND TONELESS XD woots~ did it wif a ya reply well of coz its a ya oversea who not happy? dumbass.. well glad to hear that how much fun she had...makes me relieve wanted to ask her still stress anot? but better don ba... 1qns per day is enough she now so happy jiu let her happy ask her still stress then she go think i not that stupid.. maybe a few days later then ask ba... |
XN
| i really wonder...do i really understand 70% of her? doesn't look like i went back to her blog and read all her post from the start of her 1st post till now i realised that she hav so many problems that i didn't take note of.. i saw a completely same phrase as wat she said to me...sorrow is blah blah blah.. looks like she had encounter this problem last time.. maybe that makes her fed up.. i really regret for everything i did... i always think that im calm but i suppose im very wrong.... i get fed up easily and let this emotion take over me, affecting my thinking heavily think its time for to change 1 thing of the real me ^^ not to be fed up during talking ok! time to work on that! JIA YOU.. shyt shyt shyt i felt a bit jealousy when i read her post, the way she comfort the guy she love she never comfort me in that way well wat im thinking? of coz she won't dumb.. is this my 1st step of falling in love wif her? no pls...GOD PLS DON DO THIS TO ME ok thats kinda idiotic of me relying on god hmmm think another way ba..i feel jealous maybe coz she treats him better than i in the sense of frens! yea thats better... i've tot of a good idea in showing concern about her in the new personality jus ask question that onyl requires her to ans yes or no kekekeke im so smart LOL~ and shameless XD like that can make sure if she has problems that is keeping it from me XD.. hmmm im like selfish seh...wan know her problems but don let her know my problems hai ya..let time decide how first ba later i let her know my problem then see my emo side and despise me again =.= i no confident in controlling my emo when im talking about my problems so better not~ jus pretend that im so happy HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! i need to cherish her twice as much as before.... can't afford any problem to surface up anymore! good luck dude -_-!!! |
XN
| man..she jus oversea for 3days..and i feel the time flies like 3weeks.. jus so bored if never chat wif her... looks like my life is really lonely w/o her eh.. sometimes i really wonder..am i in love wif her?? the reactions, the actions i did are jus too..weird well i hope im not...i can't love her it will causes way too much trouble for her worse thing is..she will avoid me..jus let things stay like this is the best so even if i did fall in love wif her...i better sort out my thinking fast b4 im really in love I MUST NOT CONFESS IF I FALL IN LOVE WIF HER if she noticed, DENY THE WHOLE BLOODY THING! YAY! ok....this thinking shld be alright..im in normal state lolx except jus feeling a bit bored.. well i mean very lol time for me to do hw le...bye wall~ |
XN
| sigh...looks like she despise me eh... hate me being emo...hate my tone..hate me when i ask qns, will make her vexed..lol..almost fully make up the real me le.. if remain like last time shld stop talking...sounds the same to me losing her..but weird thing is im willing to follow that..how dumb am i..during her oversea trip, i hav time to prepare a totally new personality specially for her! very difficult wor...quite a big challenge to me. cannot talk much, don bother to ask qns de...tone must be ok...and emotionless :O.... hmm talk and qns and emotionless take from jolene :P good idea~ tone neh..i think talk in short short pharse will sounds nothing inside XD cool~ also cannot don talk wor..later she think i acting cool..she hate cool guys so must take note and balance this out.. got this personality...i doubt we will fight again ba...hurts me each time we fight have many wonders about her...but can't ask qns anymore..sigh.. comfort machine...how come she will tot of that?...maybe shes trying to tell me to give more concern about her problem and not jus my problem? quite possible...or maybe shes trying to say everytime she hav to rang wo i never rang her...quite possible also... y she think i don understand her stress ne...or i really don understand? all possibilities i can think of is like...its been very hard on her if she decide to change...not only that, she intend to change quite a lot...of coz its very stressful for her..theres fear during changing..whenever u do something u afraid that u will repeating the same thing again..i experienced b4..having that fear even up til now. or maybe im the 1 who causes her stress? my problem ? my thinkings? if its true...im so guilty that i don know wat to do... weird...she stress on keeping quiet about her true form..wat is she trying to say? maybe its becoz of yan ni..but i never told yan ni anything ...this looks like shes losing trust on me...wat hav i done... y can't i think as deep as i am when im in emo state? y am i so useless? causing nth but trouble to her! i tried to do something for her but it fail. wat a failure XD.... she changed mainly coz of me? which part? did i really convinced her? she said she shld change after talkign to me..wat does that really means? is she trying to adapt to my form of communication...gosh she really did too much for me...and i did nothing for her..wat kind of person am i? im useless...its really time to change..i must nglect all my emo and problems whenever she has problems provided she will let me know in the future...i hope she will give me a chance.. negative thinker....somehow true...whenever i study personality i focus more on the negative human nature..since ppl tends to hide them, its their ture form. so that can produce more accurate result ma...even if is for myself...i really seldom think negatively..i only like to show ppl that im thinking negatively coz like that i won't be sterotype that im action type..whenever theres hope..i always think towards the hope..each of my thinking hav its own reason..can't really say in a negative thinker right? maybe im really a negative thinker jus that i don't know...but i see everything in evidence de ma... seeing all this really makes me realise the gap between the thinking in normal state and the thinking when im upset or angry...its like halved! woah...i really can't let me emotion take over me..i wonder if i can change this..another great challenge beside creating a totally new personality |
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